2012 in Review

As the year draws to a close, I thought it might be a good time to take a moment to reflect on the past year. So, here it is: 2012 in review.

January
I began my last semester as an undergraduate at the University of Wisconsin! I also started to feel the pressure of having a thesis due in three short months. It was both a relief and slightly terrifying! Even though I wasn't a full-time student, I knew I had a tough semester ahead of me, with my part-time job, Bible study, discipleships, and finding time to enjoy Madison!

February
Lent began in February, and I decided to go big this year. I gave up meat for the whole forty days! It was a budget-friendly decision - meat, on average, costs much more than rice and beans, but also a spiritual one, as there was nothing that would prevent me from not eating meat. I originally thought it would be a really difficult sacrifice, like the way I would crave a cheeseburger every Friday during Lent in the past, but it ended up being much different than I imagined. I found I really didn't dream about eating meat as much as I expected. In fact, there are so many different non-meat options, that my diet hardly suffered at all.* The hardest part was eating out at restaurants, and not being able to order 90% of what was on the menu.
*Except when I really wanted shepards pie, but couldn't use hamburger. I tried using barley with extra sauce as a substitute, but it really didn't turn out at all. I had rubbery barley and mushy mashed potatoes with a sauce that really suffered from not having the hamburger flavor. I ate the whole thing as a sacrifice, and even tried not to complain!

March
I realized that turning 22 isn't quite as fun as turning 21. I don't even remember whether or not I had a birthday party to be honest! But a good friend, whose birthday is just a few days after mine, turned 21 and had a big celebration. I had so much fun baking a cake for her, and seeing her excitement, that whatever I did has totally slipped my mind! March was also unseasonably warm, and I remember being so happy to ditch the winter boots and bring out the sundresses and sandals!

April
With just over a month left of school, April was crunch-time. I realized that if my thesis was ever going to get written, I needed to start writing, and writing fast! I also saw looming deadlines in my other classes, and smaller deadlines for papers and projects that become more of a nuisance than anything. I also started to realize that I might have bitten off more than I could chew with work and Bible studies! I ended up having to cut back a little to finish my school work, but, in the end it all worked out and my thesis got done.

May
Graduation! After four years of hard work and dedication, I finally graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison with degrees in History and Religious Studies. It was a bittersweet moment. I was incredibly proud to have made it through my time at the UW, but it was harder than I thought it would be to leave behind all my friends that I had grown so close to over four years. Of course, I'm still close to so many of my friends, but it takes a lot more effort now that we don't see each other on a daily or even weekly or monthly basis.

My sisters and I at graduation

June

I was at FOCUS New Staff Training, colloquially known as "Summer Training" or NST, for the whole month of June. It was a really difficult transition for me, to graduate from the UW and one week later be back in classes. I also found it hard to come from UW-Madison, where I encountered a wide variety of people with many different opinions, to NST, where everyone that I saw was a Catholic missionary. It was wonderful in some ways, to know that we were all striving for holiness together, without any of the first years really having a good sense of what we would be encountering in the next few months with fundraising and transitioning to campus, but I really struggled with feeling so homogeneous.

Me (second right) with FOCUS missionaries at NST

July
Fundraising, fundraising, and more fundraising! I spent the whole month meeting with people to tell them more about FOCUS and the mission work I would be doing for the next two years, and inviting them to join me! At times it got really tiring and prayer was the only thing that helped me through it all, but it also was really amazing to reconnect with old friends and meet some new faces! I particularly enjoyed meeting so many parishioners at St. Agnes Parish, where I grew up and have worshiped with for years, but never knew! Now, whenever I go to mass there, I always know at least one other person and often more. I love feeling so connected with a community back home.

August
At the beginning of the month, I packed up almost everything I owned, and traveled across the country to Virginia, my new home! Oh my goodness! I learned to trust God SO MUCH over the summer, with fundraising, and I got to trust Him just a little bit more in moving. It's funny to think that almost everyone that I see on a daily basis I met just a few months ago, and that the place I now call home was totally unknown to me before August 10!

September
It was so hard to transition from student to missionary! I had no clue what I was doing half the time, and I struggled to figure out how to relate to the students as a missionary, and not as a fellow student. While I am still their peer in many ways, I am also a representative of the Church and a living witness to Christ. Talk about pressure! I'll be the first to admit that it wasn't always easy. There were many sleepless nights of wondering whether or not I'd said or done the right thing. At times, I thought for sure all the students hated me and that I was the worst missionary in the history of the world! And then I would realize I was being dramatic, and just kept on working, knowing that "all things work for good for those who love God" (Romans 8:28 - a Bible verse that has gotten me through many rough times this semester).

October
By the end of the month, Halloween, I finally felt like Virginia was home. I knew more of the students on a deeper level, my teammates and I had gotten into a routine, and I more or less knew my way around Fredericksburg. It also helped that I was able to visit Wisconsin for about a week! Although it was nice to be back at the UW and at my parents' house, neither of those places were home. I know more people living in Fredericksburg than I do in Green Bay. St. Paul's, UW's campus Catholic church, held more unfamiliar faces than familiar ones. Returning to campus was difficult, but it was nice to return to my ordinary pattern of living.

Susie and I went as "hawaiian punch" for Halloween

November

I (finally!) visited Washington, DC with Susie and a fellow UW grad who lives in the city. It was so much fun to see our nation's capital. It was a beautiful day, so we walked around to all the monuments, and stopped briefly in the American History Museum to see the original American flag they have there. Stepping outside of campus life for the weekend was a lot of fun. Sometimes I feel like my life is on display, like my actions are always being judged and noticed by teammates and students. And for the most part, it's true. As a missionary, I do have a responsibility to represent myself well because it doesn't go unnoticed. But, at the same time, even if I wasn't a missionary, I would still have the responsibility as a Catholic to represent myself and the Church well.

Susie and I at the Virginia pillar of the World War II memorial in Washington, DC

December

I'm 25% of the way done with my FOCUS mission work! Now that I've started to make the transition from student to missionary, I'm starting to prepare for the next transition: missionary to student. Specifically, studying for the LSAT, the Law School Admission Test. But first, I'll just enjoy spending time with my family, being back in the midwest, and the snow! If I've learned anything from being a missionary, it's that life is best handled one day at a time!

Merry Christmas!

Some Wisdom from G.K. Chesterton

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. - G.K. Chesterton

G.K. Chesterton
1874-1936

With Thanksgiving Break over, the semester is winding down. Our team is preparing for the end-of-semester evaluations, both of our personal work and of our overall effectiveness on campus as a team. It has meant a lot of introspection and analysis, and for some reason, this quote by G.K. Chesterton came to mind. I had read it a while ago online somewhere, and it's stuck with me.

It's easy to get caught up in the numbers: 17 women in small groups, over 100 holy hours and Masses, 2 women in one-on-one mentorship. But these numbers don't even begin to tell the story of what this semester as a missionary has taught me. More often than not, these numbers make me feel like a failure. On a campus of 4,000+ students, I only have 17 of them in small group Bible studies.

These words came to mind on a morning when I seemed to get stuck in the "failure" of it all. They gave me such a beautiful reminder of the hope that is inherent in all that we do. If I would have waited until things were "perfect," I would never have made it out here, and 17 women wouldn't have gotten to know Christ in a deeper way through Bible study. 2 women wouldn't have been taught how to share their joy and enthusiasm to help others come to know Christ.

The timing will never be perfect. Perfection is Heaven, and outside of it, things can always be better. The important thing is to not let the circumstances stop you. Just get started, knowing that we will never get things just exactly right. But if the work is worth doing, it's worth doing it poorly.

The Top Five Things of Being a FOCUS Missionary!

I wrote a guest post for my friend Molly's blog! You can read it here: Tuesday Five: Being a FOCUS Missionary. Enjoy!

Washington, D.C.!

This past Sunday, my roommate Susie and I went to Washington, D.C. to do the "touristy" things! My friend Patrick, who graduated with me from UW-Madison, works for one of the courts in DC. I was happy to see a familiar face, and see DC with people who knew their way around! I visited most of the monuments and the American History Museum. I had so much fun, but there's still so much to see!

Here I am at the Lincoln Memorial!

The Washington Monument. We had a perfect day--sunny  and clear!

Patrick and I at the Wisconsin pillar of the World War II Memorial, commemorating the deaths of soldiers from WI. 

A quote by FDR, from the FDR Memorial, that I really liked!

Year of Faith Companion

Magnificat's "Year of Faith Companion"

The UMW Campus Chaplain, Fr. Edlefsen, ordered The Magnificat "Year of Faith Companion" for all of the FOCUS Missionaries on campus. The booklet contains a short reading for everyday of the Year of faith, usually only a few paragraphs long. The short readings are either a prayer, or a poem, or a meditation, or an explanation of a section of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, or a profile of a Biblical figure.

My favorite readings so far have been the profiles of Biblical women. The Companion started with Adam and Eve and seems to be working its way through the Bible. The profiles are interesting on a number of different levels. I have found I don't actually know much about some of the women profiled, or when I do know who they are, I've never bothered to reflect on them as human beings.

My favorite profile so far has been on Sarah, the wife of Abraham. The author of the passage reflected on Sarah's role in dealing with the aftermath of Abraham's attempted sacrifice of Isaac (Genesis 22). The Bible doesn't mention Sarah in the story, but she was there to care for Isaac after he was almost killed by his father. She was there to comfort Abraham as he struggled to carry out the Lord's commandment.

As I was reflecting on Sarah, I imagined that Abraham probably didn't tell her what he was up to that morning, when he took Isaac up to the mountain on God's orders. And when she found out what happened, I feel like she might not have been particularly pleased with Abraham's actions. After all, Isaac was her son, too. Her only son, in very male-dominated culture.

Flipping through the pages of the booklet, I'm excited to learn more about different Biblical figures, some of whom I have never heard of. And some of the meditations come from Hans Urs von Balthasar, my favorite Catholic theologian!

Some Wisdom from Von Balthasar

"When you say Yes to God unconditionally, you have no idea how far this Yes is going to take you.  Certainly farther than you can guess and calculate beforehand… but just how far and in what form? At the same time, this Yes is the sole, non-negotiable prerequisite of all Christian understanding, of all theology and ecclesial wisdom."   ~ Hans Urs Von Balthasar

Hans Urs von Balthasar
1905-1988

Last year at this time, I was knee deep in dense, heavy theological works by and about Hans Urs von Balthasar. Although I definitely don't miss the long reading schedule, I do sometimes miss von Balthasar. Call me crazy, but spending a year and a half intensively reading the works of one man (and barely making a dent in his over 100 published works) made me a little attached to him. An embarrassing anecdote to illustrate this point: I had finally finished the last formal biography of von Balthasar, which ended on his funeral, and I started crying! In my defense, the author painted a very moving portrait of the event and listed all the ways in which von Balthasar would be missed, but I had gotten a little bit emotionally attached to this little Swiss priest who seemed to embody childlike humility and humor in his writings.

My favorite work to read of his was Unless You Become Like this Child. Written in 1988, it was one of his last published works, meant specifically for John Paul II, who was a close personal friend of von Balthasar's. It was such a beautiful reflection on spiritual childhood, that it almost seemed irreverent to have to breeze through it to maintain my reading schedule. I do hope to read it again in the near future, and take the time to reflect on the words of von Balthasar.

Pork Chops with Mustard-Caper Sauce

After Fall Break, Susie and I were getting low on food, and hadn't had time to go grocery shopping yet. We did, however, have all the ingredients for pork chops with mustard and capers, sauteed spinach, and rice. I love this dish, and it's really easy to make!

For the pork chops & sauce:

• 3 pork chops
• 2 T olive oil
• pepper

Heat the olive oil in a pan until it shimmers. Season the pork chops with pepper, and cook until the pork is cooked through, about 5-10 min on each side. Rest pork on a plate while sauce is cooking

• 1 1/2 c chicken broth
• 1/4 c dijon mustard
• 2 T capers, drained and rinsed
• 1 T rosemary
• 2 T unsalted butter

In the same pan used to cook the pork chops, slowly add the chicken broth. Add in mustard, capers, rosemary, and butter. Bring to a boil. Let the sauce reduce to about half, add the pork back to the pan. Keep at a boil while the sauce continues to reduce.

For the spinach:

• fresh or frozen spinach
• 1 T butter
• 1/2 t garlic
• pepper
• 1 T lemon juice

While the pork is in the pan and the sauce is reducing, melt the butter in another pan. Add in the garlic and spinach. Stir the spinach so that it has all wilted. Let it cook until the sauce finishes reducing. Stir in pepper and lemon juice. 

Serve over rice, and enjoy!

The finished product!

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 7

--- 1 ---

I was able to spend five days in Wisconsin this past weekend! It was wonderful to see friends and family again, for the first time in months. I was sent home by my FOCUS Regional Director in order to fundraise more. I’m just short of the minimum amount FOCUS would like all their missionaries to raise, but I jumped at the chance to spend a few days at home. It was difficult to focus on work, when I was surrounded by friends and family all weekend. I did get a little bit of work in, but I think I spent most of my time socializing!

--- 2 ---

One week ago, on Friday, I spent the day in Madison. My sister made me breakfast—homemade cinnamon rolls! We ate together and then went to daily Mass. It was absolutely wonderful to be back at the UW, hearing Fr. Eric give a homily. I have a wonderful priest in Virginia, but it was a nice change to hear Fr. Eric telling jokes on the altar during his homily!

--- 3 ---

I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with old friends—classmates, roommates, women who were in my Bible study. Although I try to stay in touch with everyone back home, there’s something different about talking to people in person. I definitely enjoyed hearing about how medical school was going for my friend Betsy, how St. Vincent de Paul Society was taking off for Mykenzie, or how Krista was adjusting to life as an intern. I loved being back, but it also made leaving more difficult than I thought it would be, knowing that I wouldn’t be back in Madison for another two months at the earliest.

--- 4 ---

I stayed the weekend in Kenosha, WI at the Holy Rosary Rectory. I had never stayed in a rectory (the building where a parish priest lives), and it was incredibly generous for the priests to allow me to stay there! I had a whole suite of rooms to myself—a bedroom, sitting room, and bathroom! It was so much more than I was expecting. It was a little disconcerting when I would hear creaks in the night. The rectory is a huge old building, so it wasn’t unexpected, but I still jumped a little bit.

--- 5 ---

On Saturday, I got to visit my friend Ellen, who was my roommate last summer, in Milwaukee. We ate lunch in the Milwaukee Public Market, which was really cool! The Milwaukee Public Market has a bunch of food stands—bakeries, a candy stand, a coffee shop, and a lot of ethnic foods. I got chicken curry, which was delicious! We also went to the Milwaukee Art Museum, which was really cool! There were some really beautiful pieces, but also some that were a little strange. The building itself is a work of art—it’s built to look like a ship, and is located right on the shores of Lake Michigan. You can see the shoreline with trees, which were all in color for fall. The man-made art was great, but nothing can beat the beauty of nature! We would have walked along the shore a little, but it rained the whole time we were there.

--- 6 ---

I came home to Green Bay on Monday, and spent the afternoon with my Mom. It was so nice to see her, and spend time with her. Talking on the phone is great, but, again, there’s nothing like a face-to-face conversation. We made my favorite foods for dinner during the week—taco salad and white chicken chili! I love being home, where I can eat good food without having to put in the work! Although, I don’t really mind cooking when I have to!

--- 7 ---

I left Wednesday morning, but on Tuesday, I was able to see my friend Rachel who works in Appleton. Rachel and I were both religious studies majors at Wisconsin, and are now both doing work for the Catholic Church. Rachel is working for Spiritus, and organization that puts on retreats for confirmations and other students in Green Bay and the Fox Valley. It was wonderful to see her, and hear how her work is doing. We found that are jobs are really similar in some ways, but very different in others.


I’m back in Virginia now, unpacked, and ready to get back to my normal schedule next week!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Year of Faith

Today is the first day of the Year of Faith! My roommate and teammate Susie is in Rome right now, and went to the opening Mass, celebrated by His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI. The Year of Faith will help support the New Evangelization, provide resources on the celebration that is the Mass, and help each Catholic learn how to make the faith more personal. It will help promote a re-conversion of every soul to Christ and help us to be better witnesses to the faith in our everyday life.

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teach and admonish one another in all wisdom […] And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him" (Col 3:16-17).

Read the whole address given by Pope Benedict at http://www.ncregister.com/blog/edward-pentin/popes-homily-at-opening-mass-of-year-of-faith#ixzz290HBtVUk

A is for Attic

I am currently leading two Bible studies: one for freshmen and one for upperclassmen. My upperclassmen study meets Thursday evenings in Lee Hall, one the main campus buildings. This past Thursday, one of the women who comes noticed that the elevator had a level "A", and decided that we all should go with her to see what level A was all about.

We thought it might have stood for Atrium, and were expecting large conference rooms and other administrative offices. But the elevator doors opened onto a small room with a few dust-covered boxes. There was also a ladder that led up to either the roof or an electrical box. One of the women, Mary, climbed up the ladder and tried to open the door, but couldn't get it opened. Although, in hindsight, that might have been a good thing.

We thought it the space was pretty cool, and took a few minutes to look around, explore everything in our small surroundings. We had finished looking around when we realized the elevator call button wasn't working. We could push the button, but the light wouldn't go on. And then we realized you needed a key to call the elevator. But we weren't panicking because there was still a door, which we could tell led to the stairwell. Except that door was also locked. We were legitimately trapped in the attic of Lee Hall. 

Thankfully, we did have cell reception! So Tracy, another member of the study, called her boyfriend to please come to Lee Hall and take the elevator to A but told him to not get off the elevator! Once we all knew we were only stuck for a few minutes more, we broke down and started laughing hysterically. Who gets trapped in an attic of an academic building?!? The look on Tracy's boyfriend's face when the elevator doors opened was priceless.

And now we know what the A stands for.

Flat Tire

I walked out of the CCM today, and found that my car had a flat tire. It had been going a little flat a few weeks ago, but a teammate used his bike pump to fill it up, and there didn't seem to be too many problems after that. Until now; when it was very noticeably flat. I even tried to drive on it, to see if I could make it over to the shop, but as soon as I started backing out of my parking spot, I knew there was no way I would make it with my tire in the shape that it was.

Before leaving for Virginia, my dad, with great foresight, taught me how to put on the spare tire. Fortunately for me, however, another teammate was around who actually knew what he was doing! (I probably could have gotten the tire off eventually, but Rob was able to do in easily half the time it would have taken me.) Unfortunately for Rob, however, the tire was stuck to the car, like really stuck. It was not coming off! He tried, and then a student tried, we sprayed WD-40 on it, but it just wouldn't budge.

So we left the flat tire on, and just filled it up with air so that I could bring it in. We found a bike pump in the shed, my teammate filled it up again, and I drove it over to Sears. Which is where I am now, catching up on some work and waiting for them to return my car! So far, it's been a great opportunity to practice patience...

Meet the Team at Mary Washington!

The University of Mary Washington has four full-time missionaries: Anthony, Rob, Susie, and me. Anthony is our Team Director, which means he is in charge of setting our schedules, and helping the rest of to be the best and most effective missionaries that we can be. Anthony, Rob, and I are all from the Midwest-- Anthony is from South Dakota, and Rob's from North Dakota. Susie is from Fairfax, VA, which is right outside Washington, DC, about an hour north of Fredericksburg.

I absolutely love my team. We have so much fun working together, that most of the time it doesn't feel like work! For example, on the first day of class, we went out on to campus to hand out flyers. I don't remember who, but one of the guys came up with the idea to dress up as a gorilla and the other decided to dress up as a banana. I also don't remember when we started to take that idea seriously...

The team, with Fr. Edlefsen, right before heading out onto campus. From left to right: me, Father Edlefsen, Rob dressed as a gorilla, Anthony dressed as a banana, and Susie.

The new students got a huge kick out of it, and many of them took a picture with the monkey and banana. It was also effective for getting new faces into the CCM (the Catholic Campus Ministry). Father absolutely loved that we were willing to do the ridiculous, but I think some of the returning students were wondering what they were in for this year!

New Student Night

Last week Friday was New Student Night at the Mary Washington CCM (Catholic Campus Ministry). It was similar to a mini-retreat for new students, especially for new freshmen. We had quite the turnout-- almost 40 new students! It was great to see some familiar faces and meet new students.

The night had some ice-breakers, a talk by Fr. Edlefsen who is the campus chaplain, quiet time for prayer and reflection, and lots of fun and games! It was a great way for the new students to meet some of their classmates, and become more familiar with the CCM building.

I spoke at New Student Night, encouraging the students to become involved with the CCM, and sharing the importance of having good friends who share your values.

Here is one of the small groups for the night. Students gathered in small groups to reflect on the talks given by the campus chaplain and others in the CCM.

P.S. I don't know if you can tell from the pictures above, but the room both photos are in is the room we have Sunday Mass in! I'm standing in the top photo next to the lecturn podium, and the alter is pushed against the wall to the right of that. There are Stations of the Cross on the wall, and we pull in folding chairs for seats. The CCM isn't big, but they definitely make do with what they have!

Jogging

Before moving to Virginia, I had decided I wanted to try to go running more regularly. When I first arrived, however, I went into a little bit of "climate-shock." Every time I stepped out of our air conditioned apartment, I immediately felt short of breath. I was confronted by this weird, thick, heavy air that seemed to make it impossible to breath fully. And then I came down with a cold and/or allergies that put my nose out of commission for a good week. So my whole ambitious plan of jogging on a schedule totally flew out the window.

When I did recover from my cold, I was warned to have a little more care around people than I might be used to in Wisconsin. Unlike Wisconsin, there seems to be a lack of friendliness between strangers in Virginia. When jogging or biking at the UW, it's routine to smile, wave, and give a nice "Hey there!" or "Good morning!" to any fellow exercisers you might meet. Here, unfortunately, this behavior is definitely not encouraged. In fact, I was told to not smile or wave with random passers-by while jogging because it might give the wrong impression, and it just isn't something people do.

Fredericksburg does have a very low crime rate, so I'm not particularly worried when I go out jogging. And one of the students and I have teamed up and becoming jogging buddies! We both seem to lack the self-motivation needed to get up early and go running by ourselves, so we are going to keep each other company! She's familiar with the campus and its surrounding neighborhood, which is a huge help for me, since I don't have a great sense of direction.

One of the ways we work with students as missionaries is called "incarnational evangelization." Essentially, it's the idea that as we share everyday life with students, we can build up a relationship and encourage them in their walk of faith. Jenniffer, my jogging buddy, is a super-solid Catholic who is already involved at the Catholic Student Center at Mary Washington. By jogging with her, we can get to know each other, discuss different things that are happening in life, and learn from each other. I appreciate her help to me, by giving me motivation to wake up and get out of bed to go running in the morning, and I hope I can reciprocate and show my gratitude in the weeks and months to come!

Fall Outreach

UMW Balloons at one of the Freshmen Orientation events!
http://www.umw.edu/news/2012/08/27/incoming-students-experience-traditions-new-and-old-at-umw/

FOCUS calls the first few weeks of the semester, "Fall Outreach." It's probably the busiest time of year for a missionary because it involves meeting a lot of new people all at once. The days are long and hectic, and they have mostly left me incredibly tired by the end of the day. At the same time, the days can be extremely rewarding. The freshmen moved in 5 days before classes started, and 4 days before the returning students, so most of our outreach efforts were to reach the new freshmen and bring them into the community at the Catholic campus center.

For example, one of the main events we invited incoming freshmen to was a Saturday evening barbecue. We had flyers that advertised for the BBQ on one side, and for Sunday's "Welcome/Welcome Back" Mass on the other. It felt like we had handed out a million flyers and met hundreds of people in the days leading up to the event, with no idea of how many people would actually come. When Saturday rolled around, it just started to pour out. It hadn't rained in Virginia until that day, but that day it rained with no sign of stopping. We thought for sure all our efforts had been wasted.

But God is good! Around 4:00, when we started to set up tables and things for the BBQ, it stopped! We prepared for about 75 people to come, but had really only expected around 45. We didn't quite make 75, but we did have over 50 people show up, many of whom were people we had met earlier in the week and personally invited to the event! It was such a rewarding night, to have so many new students gathered together, starting to form a community amongst themselves. It was such a great witness to how God can take our expectations and totally turn them around!

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 6

--- 1 ---

The Sunday before I left Wisconsin, I made a mini-pilgrimage to the Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help in Champion, WI. I had been meaning to go all summer, and finally decided to just do it even though the timing wasn't perfect. It was a beautiful day, and I knew if I didn't seize the opportunity, I would likely have left Green Bay without visiting.

--- 2 ---

My family has a long history with the Shrine. My grandmother grew up close by, and would visit often as a child. Ever since I can remember, I've gone with my mother and grandma and aunt and sisters to mass on the Feast of the Assumption. It's a pretty big deal out there. The Bishop celebrates Mass, and following Mass is Exposition and Benediction of the Eucharist and a rosary walk around the grounds of the Shrine. It's absolutely beautiful, and I am incredibly sad to have missed it this year.

Outdoor Mass at the Shrine. Mass is celebrated BYOLC style--Bring your own lawn chair!

--- 3 ---

My little pilgrimage was fairly uneventful. I went alone, and just prayed for a few hours. It was great to see all of the changes made to the grounds since the site became officially recognized. There was a real parking lot, with yellow lines and everything! And there were some new grottoes, recognizing other apparitions around the world, like Lourdes and Fatima. My favorite was the grotto of Our Lady of Grace. There was just something about the way Mary looked in the statue that was peaceful and calming.

--- 4 ---

I decided against taking my camera with me because I wanted to try to keep my time there centered on Christ and the intercession of His mother. I don't regret this decision at all! It was so nice to take a step back from the world, and spend an afternoon focused on prayer. Although, I am sorry there aren't more pictures, because the Shrine is such a beautiful place.

--- 5 ---

When I went to the Shrine, I wasn't planning on praying the Stations of the Cross. It was totally one of those Holy Spirit moments, where, all of a sudden, I found myself reaching into my bag and grabbing my Handbook of Prayers and walking up to the first station. All of a sudden, there I was, praying the stations, without ever having made a conscious decision to do so. In the middle of the garden area where the outdoor Stations are set up, there is a life-size Crucifix. Praying in front of it after I had walked the Stations of the Cross with Christ was so fruitful and life-giving. I left with this beautiful sense of trust in Him. Because, honestly, if He was willing to hang on a cross and die for me, He's got the little details covered. He's not going to go through all that, and then overlook the minor details, which is really comforting!

--- 6 ---

The Crypt of the Shrine has a life-size statue of Our Lady at the physical location where she appeared to Sister Adele. This place just seems steeped in holiness, and there is a weight to the place that isn't found elsewhere. It really feels like Mary is present. I don't really know how to explain it well, but it was awesome to pray there.

--- 7 ---

The Feast of the Assumption was just celebrated at the Shrine. It was sad not to be there with my family, but I celebrated Mass with my teammates, just my teammates, in Virginia. It was pretty cool to have Mass said specifically for us, and to hear a homily directed at us from our campus priest who is supportive and enthusiastic about our work. It's good to be here!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Greetings from Virginia!

Oh my goodness! The past week has been a total whirlwind! I am now in Virginia, and just finished my first official day of work here at the University of Mary Washington. Within the past week, I packed up all my things, traveled halfway across the country, unpacked in my new apartment, fell sick with a cold, and started a new job! It has definitely kept me busy, but a good busy.

The apartment here in Fredericksburg is huge! It's easily twice the size of the place I lived at in Madison, and everything, minus cable and internet, is included in rent, even parking! I'm still a little in awe of how much space we have, and I have to stop myself from trying to fill it with furniture.

The city of Fredericksburg is beautiful! It's different from Wisconsin, but still nice. I've had most difficulty getting used to the humidity here. I thought it was bad back home over the summer, but it was nothing compared to what it's like every day here. I keep waiting for the morning when I open the door and step outside without being surprised by the intense, oppressive heat. So far, it hasn't happened; but there's always tomorrow!

When I get a moment, I'll post some pictures. The campus of Mary Washington is absolutely beautiful, with a lot of green space and brick buildings. So far, I'm really enjoying my time here, and can't wait to explore Fredericksburg more and meet the students!

Houston, We Have a Problem

Oh man, why don't all these boxes hold more!? And maybe my clothes would all grow legs and jump into my suitcases

Oh my goodness, it's time for me to leave for Virginia. Which means packing... Yikes! As of right now, there's SO MUCH to do, I just don't even know where to begin. I think I've looked in my closet, at my desk, went into the bathroom and stared at all the stuff I have there, and then start looking at everything again. Maybe, if I just look really intently at all my things for long enough, they'll pack themselves up all nicely. Maybe they'll even magically be transported to Virginia.

And I'm pretty sure my stuff has gotten bigger, while my car has gotten smaller. And I keep remembering things I have to bring--like, it's hot now, but in a few months it will be cold! I need my winter clothes! And blankets! And snow boots! Uh-oh...

Except, even as I'm packing, I'm not sure I want any of my things to be magically moved to Virginia. Today seemed to just fly by. I looked at the clock and it was 7 am. Then I blinked and it was 3 pm and then, just one blink later, it's 9 pm. And now I only have one day, ONE DAY!, left in Green Bay. I'm not sure that's long enough--I don't know how to leave my family, and say "See you at Christmas!" My things fit so well in my room and my closet and, really, it seems like such a waste to move everything only to move it all back in a year or two. Maybe I should just not go.

But what am I thinking!? Of course I'm going to go! I love my job!! A missionary at the UW told me that change is good, but transition is hard. And it's so true! I'll just remember that this packing up of my life isn't supposed to be easy. I'll just remember that my things fit in my room so well because they've been here for 22 years, so it's right that they fit. It's hard to pack up and move, because it somehow seems more permanent than moving to college did. I might be making this more dramatic than it needs to be. (I started crying while packing, so I'm definitely making this more dramatic than it needs to be.) And I also might be writing this blog post just to put off more packing...

Change is good; transition is hard.

Beach Volleyball is my Life

Not literally. I don't play beach volleyball. I've never seen a match live. But I love, love, LOVE beach volleyball in the Olympics. I love the game, the athletes, the way it doesn't require a long attention span. I will watch games on replay, even though I know who wins. I don't just like knowing who wins, I like seeing how they win.

My favorite part of beach volleyball is how athletic the players have to be. When they dive for a ball, they have to get right back up. If you have the first touch, you know that the third touch is also yours. There isn't the luxury of staying down. The strength and courage of the athletes is amazing. To constantly get up and keep going, not letting a bad pass or poor serve to dictate your attitude is encouraging for life in general.

Life seems to be a constant battle of picking myself up after I've just seemed to give everything I've got. Especially the spiritual life. Sometimes, there seems to be that person on the other side of the net who is intent on hitting the ball all over the court making me run and dive and jump all over the place to see how much longer I'll go on, hoping that one of these days I'll decide the game is no longer worth it, and just give up. That one day I'll just let the ball fall and stop giving everything to prevent it landing in the sand.

Beach volleyball is also like life in that sometimes, no matter how much you try, you serve the ball into the net, or your pass goes off into the stands, or you just can't pick yourself up off the sand in time to finish the play. These pitfalls can be even harder to overcome. At least when you miss a serve that you dove for, you know you gave it your all. But when you just don't quite hit the ball hard enough to sail over the net, it's easy to start beating up on yourself, to think that you'll never improve, and to forget that being human means imperfection.

Of course, I'm not talking about volleyball anymore. It's life- those times I snap at my sisters instead of having patience. Those times I hit the snooze button and end up sleeping right through daily mass. Those times I would rather be doing anything other than praying, or I sit down to pray and can't seem to sit still for the life of me.

But then, on the court of life, my partner is Jesus, and the opponent is Satan and the terrors of Hell. Satan really is trying to get me to give up the game. He really is hitting the ball all over the court, trying to get me to give up. Luckily, this isn't a new game. It's the game on replay- I know how it ends. So all I have to do is get up and go to Mass the day after I sleep in. All I have to do is sit still and pray for one hour or one minute or one second at a time, and then start over again the next day. I'm passing the ball to Jesus, and I know He will spike it over the net and, one of these days, knock the devil out of the game once and for all. Until then, I will simply keep going, praying for the strength and courage of those Olympic athletes, who keep playing until the game is done.

"Israel, hope in the Lord, now and forever!" Psalm 131:3

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 5

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I'm cheating a little bit this week for my quick takes. I had a fairly low-key week, so I thought I would share an easy 6-step recipe for a tortilla sandwich. Tortilla sandwiches is an easy meal I discovered when I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich, but didn't have any bread. So I used tortillas! Since then, I've expanded on the recipe and it's one of my favorite, easy meals.

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Basic Ingredients:

-Tortillas- I've used either 1 large tortilla folded in half, or 2 smaller tortillas

-Beans (black beans or pinto beans)- I suppose you don't really need beans, but I love them and this is usually what I do with taco leftovers

-Cheese- absolutely necessary! Not only because I'm from WI and cheese is a staple in just about every meal, but also because it's what makes the tortillas stick together.

--- 3 ---

Additional Ingredients:
-Hamburger
-Tomatoes
-Salsa
-Refried beans
-Rice
-Taco Sauce/Enchilada Sauce/Hot Sauce
-Sour Cream
-Lettuce- although I put the lettuce on top of the tortilla, instead of grilling it inside of the sandwich

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Directions:
Warm up the frying pan, and add about a tablespoon of olive oil, or whatever oil you have on hand, or butter. I like the flavor of the olive oil, and the way it makes the tortillas crispy.

Did I really need a picture of oil in a frying pan?

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Layer the ingredients on the tortillas. I like to put some cheese on the bottom and on the top, to help it really stick together.

LOTS of cheese!

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Put the sandwich in the hot pan, and cook on one side until the tortilla is warm and crispy. Flip, and do the same for the second side.

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If you want, you can put lettuce and/or spinach and/or sour cream and/or salsa and/or hot sauce on top of the warm sandwich. Eat up, and enjoy!

I only had lettuce on hand, so that's what I used. But I also ate it with some ranch dressing,
which was surprisingly good!

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Called to Mission

One of the great twentieth-century Catholic theologians, Hans Urs von Balthasar, described his call from God to the priesthood, saying he felt as if he had been "struck as by lightening...It was simply this: you have nothing to choose, you have been called. You will not serve, you will be taken into service. You have no plans to make, you are just a little stone in a mosaic which has long been ready. All I needed to do was to stand there and wait and see what I would be needed for."*

I absolutely love this quote. In many ways, I feel as though my call to FOCUS was along these same lines. One day I just woke up, and knew I wasn't going to law school in 2012. I was going to apply to FOCUS. I dithered about it a little bit, trying to find another program I could do instead, still looking at LSAT test dates. But I knew, deep down, that God had called me to FOCUS, to serve Him as a missionary.

I think many of my life decisions are made in this way. Most of the big decisions I've made are one's I've just known. I never really seriously considered going anywhere else for college except UW-Madison. When I took my first Religious Studies class, I knew that was what my major would be. Once I heard about spiritual direction, I knew I needed it. Attending the FOCUS National Conference was a decision I seemed to make on the fly, same with the FOCUSequip training last summer. All of these I tried to get out of, tried to un-hear God's call, but like the prophet Jeremiah, I couldn't.

You deceived me, LORD, and I let myself be deceived; you were too strong for me, and you prevailed ... I say I will not mention him, I will no longer speak in his name. But then it is as if fire is burning in my heart, imprisoned in my bones; I grow weary holding back, I cannot! (Jeremiah 20:7, 9)

Or I think of St. Augustine who writes in his Confessions, "my heart is restless until it rests in You." Von Balthasar's works are some of the most beautiful I've ever read, and the idea that I am just "a little stone in a mosaic which has long been ready" is one that really touches my heart. The trust that Von Balthasar had in God, to be able to trust that all his thoughts and actions were aligned with the Divine Will, is encouraging. It takes the pressure off. It reminds me to be humble. In a mosaic, it's not the tiles that stand out, but the image they make. I want my heart to long for Jesus so much that I step outside of myself more and more, to everyday be better able to conform myself to the pattern He has already made; knowing that His pattern is greater and more beautiful than my little tile could ever be.

*English translation by Peter Henrici, SJ, "Hans Urs von Balthasar: A Sketch of His Life," in David L. Schindler's Hans Urs von Balthasar: His Life and Work.

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 4

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What a week! The best part of being a missionary who fundraises her own salary is getting to meet people I might have no reason to meet up with otherwise. This Tuesday, I spent the afternoon down in Appleton, WI and had lunch with a cousin who I haven't seen a while, and dinner with my uncle and his family. It was such a nice opportunity to see some members of my family who I don't know well, but would like to know better.

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Speaking of family, tomorrow I have another cousin getting married in the Twin Cities! It will be the first time my dad's family has gotten together in years! I'm looking forward to seeing cousins and aunts and uncles again, and hearing about how they've been doing.

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I'm planning to stay in Minnesota an extra day to visit with some friends who are living out there. One friend has been in Austria for the past 6 months, and I can't wait to hear about the fun times she has had teaching kindergartners in Klagenfurt! The other friend I'm excited to see got engaged at the end of the school year, and her and her fiance both moved to the Twin Cities area. I'm looking forward to hearing how her wedding plans are going, and just spending time with both of them.

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While speaking at my parish this Sunday, I met two young women who will be at FOCUS campuses this fall! One will be a freshman down in Louisiana, and the other returns for her second year at UW-LaCrosse. It was so encouraging to hear how the message of FOCUS really helped them to have a desire to become more involved with the campus Catholic community this fall! It's this kind of news that inspires me to continue working diligently here at home so that I can be more effective on campus this fall.

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For not having rained all summer, things sure have turned around fast! My "white noise" while studying this past year has been the sound of rain, so it's nice that the background atmosphere is real rain and not just noise coming from my computer! It's such a soothing sound, and it makes me want to curl up with a book and a cup of tea. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to take the time off to do so, and it's also still pretty humid and so the thought of having a blanket on is not pleasant!

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St. Agnes Church, my home parish growing up.

I love going to daily Mass at St. Agnes at 6:45 am and seeing over 50 people in attendance. It's so encouraging to see so many men and women come to mass before going off to work, and older couples waking up so early to start their day off with the Eucharist.

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It's raining again this morning! As kids, my sisters and I would be grabbing our umbrellas to go outside and play!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

A Knight in the Lord's Army

A knight with a pilgrims.

One of the first passages I meditated on in the Bible back when I first learned lectio divina was from Ephesians 6: "Put on the armor of God,...stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness." I fell in love with the intense imagery of the passage, and I often reread it when I could use some encouragement. The idea of putting on armor has always brought me to medieval times when kings and queens and knights roamed throughout Europe.

I was a history major at the UW, but my concentration was in modern history, long past the days when medieval were traveling throughout the land. After a quick google search of knighthood, I found that the root of the word knight is "servant." A knight was originally someone designated to serve! The very first military knights were simple soldiers who traveled with pilgrims as protectors to help them reach their destination safely. This has brought a whole new idea to the passage. It's not of a knight preparing herself for battle, but of one donning the clothing that will allow her to defend her charges to the best of her ability.

In the introduction to his letter to the Romans, St. Paul writes that he has been "set apart for the gospel." While praying with this passage, I found myself remembering back to the imagery from Ephesians. To become a knight, young men were singled out from early age, and taught how to be a knight--how to serve, how to protect, how to guide.

In many ways, then, the work I will be doing as a FOCUS missionary is akin to knighthood. I hope to serve, protect, and guide the students at Mary Washington in their journey of faith. I won't physically put on armor, but I will arm myself with the Sacraments, with prayer, and with community. I hope to live up to this call. I hope my words and actions will be girded in truth, clothed in righteousness.

Finally, draw your strength from the Lord and from his mighty power. Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil. For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens. Therefore, put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground. So stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate,and your feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace. In all circumstances, hold faith as a shield, to quench all [the] flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Eph. 6:11-17)

7 Quick Takes, vol. 3

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Bascom Hall at the UW, where I worked for 2 years as the student assistant in the Legal Services office.

All about Madison! I just graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison this spring, with degrees in history and religious studies. Growing up, going to college always meant going to the UW. I absolutely LOVED going to school at Wisconsin, and I will miss campus so much next year.

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Memories came flooding back all week as I saw the buildings where I had class or worked and the places I met with students for mentoring. Restaurants where we ate, the Union where we hung out, Bascom Hill where we would just sit and relax. Now, however, new memories have been made! Sitting down with my friends here, and sharing with them my vision and mission with FOCUS in Virginia. Seeing their excitement and joy on my behalf was exactly what my soul needed! The men and women at Wisconsin know firsthand the need to reach out to college students, and when they themselves are unable to physically go and fulfill the Great Commission, knowing that I am able to go and help provides joy and hope.

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I was able to eat at some of my favorite restaurants for the last time in the near future. Even though I ate out for both lunch and dinner for 5 days, I never ate at the same place twice! Cosi, the Med Cafe, Chipotle, Panera, Noodles, Sunroom Cafe, and many others.  I'm sure these places exist outside of Madison, WI, but the environment won't be the same. Thinking about it, I'm not sure it's the food that is the draw so much as the company and memories. Going to Einstein's Bagels with the girls I mentored. Or grabbing lunch at Chipotle after Mass on Sunday. The food is yummy, but the chance to sit down and relax with friends is what made State Street such a wonderful place.

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This week, however, did keep me on my toes! It was a constant rush of meeting people all over campus, and I loved every minute of it! Seeing campus was a flood of the familiar, but also curiosity at the new. There's always construction going on around here on campus, and some of the new buildings are finally done! It was a great reminder to see the new cafeteria downtown, the new dorm on lakeshore, the huge hole across from the Business school. Things change. This campus won't stand still just because I've left it.

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College is meant to be a transitory place. It is only supposed to last 4 or 5 years. Then we are meant to step off campus and apply what we've learned. It's definitely easier said than done, but even if I stayed, others wouldn't. Life moves on whether I want it to or not. Luckily, I'm part of the mission of FOCUS! So even though I won't be on this campus, I will still be at college. But college without the studying and exams!

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I am so glad I was able to spend a week in Madison before leaving for Virginia. It was so joyful to see many of the students and former students I grew to know and love over the past four years. I was especially glad to see two of the the women I had mentored this past year. Hearing them talk about the upcoming year, I know they will succeed, even without me here. It will be hard to leave them, since so much of my energy last year went into helping them, but there are new faces waiting for me in Virginia who will need me in ways that the women here don't.

--- 7 ---

Unrelated, my team director Anthony and his wife Rosabel had a baby girl yesterday! Gemma Rose Christenson was born yesterday afternoon. I'm so excited to have a little baby in our FOCUS family next year at Mary Washington!

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Encouragement

I stumbled across this image today, and I absolutely LOVE it! The image itself is pretty, and the quote is so great! With all the stress that comes with missionary life and fundraising, it's nice to just sit back, and breathe. To remember that in the end, God doesn't need me. He can reach souls and change hearts in the blink of an eye. I am so privileged that He desires to work through me.

But, ultimately, He just wants me, my soul. Because what Father doesn't want to simply spend time with His daughter?

7 Quick Takes, vol. 2

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Trusting in God is hard. Putting my faith in something, Someone, that I can't see is incredibly difficult. It's so easy to fall into the "what ifs"...What if God doesn't actually exist? What if I'm not supposed to be a missionary and God is trying to tell me that and I'm just not getting it? What if I'm not cut out for mission life? What if nobody likes me in Virginia? What if I can't raise enough to get to Virginia? What if... What if... What if... The list can go on and on in my head.

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I sometimes feel like St. Thomas, aka Doubting Thomas. The missionaries around me have seen the Lord. They know Him- they've heard His voice, they've seen His face. He is not a mystery to them. But I don't believe them. I haven't heard Him or seen His face. How can they have such complete and total trust in this Great Mystery? Why do they seem to get it, and my mind keeps reaching a dead end. Why do I keep walking into a brick wall when it comes to putting complete and total faith in Him?

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I recently found a prayer by St. Thomas Aquinas that seems to summarize my doubts perfectly. It's the Adoro Te Devote, and it speaks about believing in God, particularly in the Eucharist, where both His humanity and divinity is hidden. I love the whole prayer, but especially the line that claims that "hearing suffices firmly to believe." At Mass, during the Eucharistic prayer, all I have is the sound of the priest speaking the Words of Consecration, but those words are enough, they must be enough.

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Other times, trust comes more easily, more naturally. For example, I still don't have an apartment in Virginia. But for some reason, this doesn't bother me at all. I am totally confident that by the time I need to move to Fredericksburg, I will have a place to live.

Preferably not a little shack by the side of the railroad tracks!

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And I know that God is good, that Jesus is Lord. He takes care of me in the little ways- running into an old friend from high school whom I haven't seen in years, hearing about how a mission partner had an incredible encounter with the Holy Spirit, turning on the radio right as my favorite song starts playing. I know He loves me in the little things.

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It's the big things that keep me up at night, tossing and turning. Although, surprisingly, my unconscious doesn't register "finding a place to live" as a big thing. It's the worries about money (will I ever raise enough to be able to go to campus?), about friends (will anyone in Virginia like me and how can I leave all my Wisconsin friends?), about meeting people (why would I ever have volunteered for a job that involves talking to strangers every day?). But mostly it's about money.

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But as my team director has said, "We work for the richest Man in the world." And I do! We only have what God allows us to have, and He won't allow me to live in poverty, alone and friendless, meeting only unpleasant, rude people. I do trust that in the abstract. It's only in the daily grind, where I start thinking that I'm somehow missing something that others have,  that it's difficult.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!