The Parable of the Vineyard

Over 30 students celebrated Mass at 6:30 am

The last day of classes didn't start by hitting the snooze button.
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The Workers in the Vineyard.
Matthew 20:1-16
8 When it was evening the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Summon the laborers and give them their pay, beginning with the last and ending with the first.’ 9 When those who had started about five o’clock came, each received the usual daily wage. 10 So when the first came, they thought that they would receive more, but each of them also got the usual wage. 11 And on receiving it they grumbled against the landowner, 12 saying, ‘These last ones worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us, who bore the day’s burden and the heat.’ 13 He said to one of them in reply, ‘My friend, I am not cheating you. Did you not agree with me for the usual daily wage? 14 Take what is yours and go. What if I wish to give this last one the same as you? 15 [Or] am I not free to do as I wish with my own money? Are you envious because I am generous?’

I've never really liked this passage. I knew it wasn't really about money, but even so, it never really seemed fair. I always thought, in the back of my mind, that Jesus wasn't giving the workers, who had been bearing "the day's burden and heat", their due. How could it be possibly be fair to pay everyone the same wage? Why shouldn’t those first hires be upset?

Last week Friday, the last day of classes at UMW, 31 students went to 6:30am Mass. It was amazing! We filled 3 pews, and took the priest totally by surprise. 31 students decided to begin their last day of class by waking up “insanely” early, as one student commented, and going to church. But a dedicated group of students, including the FOCUS team, had been going to 6:30am mass on a weekly basis all semester. It hardly seems like it would be fair for us to be recognized due to numbers, but not for the sacrifice made week after week for an entire academic year.

As I was sitting in my pew after communion, however, I was thinking about this passage from Matthew, and how I had totally misinterpreted it for so long. Being at mass, surrounded by 30 students, all I felt was an overwhelming joy! They finally made it! They finally made that sacrifice to wake up at 6am, get dressed, and walk over to the local parish. Praise God!

This is how those first vineyard workers should have reacted: With great rejoicing. They were supposed to have been happy for the workers who made the sacrifice to work for the Vineyard Owner, no matter how long they had been making those sacrifices, whether 8 hours or just a single one.

It’s so easy to become prideful in our own spiritual life. But that pride is misguided. It puts the call on our shoulders, on our response, instead of where it truly belongs—in Christs’s hands. He walked out among the people at different times throughout the day. Some He called in the morning—called to spend all day with Him, but also called to shoulder the heavy burdens of the work. Some were called later. They weren't strong enough to carry the full burden, but Christ still asked them to fully do what they were capable of. Some He didn't call until the very end. They were called to be a sign of hope. Hope for the first workers—their sacrifice of toil and labor did not go unheeded. Called to show how great God’s mercy is—there is nothing, no sin so great that God cannot overcome it.

I was overjoyed to see so many students come to 6:30am Mass. It was such a beautiful feeling of community. All of us were tired, every one of us would have rather been sleeping, but we were all there nonetheless. All answered Christ’s call to put Him first in our lives—even above sleep!

Happy Endings

The University of Mary Washington is about 70% women, which presents a lot of unique opportunities. On the one hand, it means I get to meet a lot of new people everyday since I primarily work with women. On the other hand, it means I have a lot of work to do.

With so many women, however, I end up talking a lot about vocations, particularly the vocation of marriage and, alongside it, the lack of men. It's hard to feel called to marriage, but to also know that you are only one half of that vocation. It's also hard to see two of my teammates married with children. Their wives are wonderful people, but sometimes jealousy creeps in, and it's difficult to not idealize the lives they have.

Mr. Bingley and Jane

I was watching the movie "Pride and Prejudice" with my sisters, and it got to the scene where Mr. Bingley is leaving Netherfield, his house near the Bennett family. With his leaving, he is also leaving behind Jane, who has fallen in love with him. As he was driving away, I said to my sister, "I wish life was like the movies. We know it's all going to work out. It's sad now, but in 45 minutes, they'll be back together and happy."

But life is like the movies! We don't have the pleasure of knowing exactly how things will work out, like we do for Jane and Mr. Bingley, but we do know that things will be happy in the end. Of course, this is all well and easy to say when life doesn't seem to be crumbling down around you, or when you aren't in tears because it doesn't seem fair that you have to wait, and the waiting is hard, and the waiting is longer than 45 minutes. In these moments, though, we get to look at the bigger picture: Jesus became man, lived here on earth with us and for us, died and rose again. He won. We will win. As long as there is faith and hope in Him, there will be happy endings.

Some Wisdom from G.K. Chesterton

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. - G.K. Chesterton

G.K. Chesterton
1874-1936

With Thanksgiving Break over, the semester is winding down. Our team is preparing for the end-of-semester evaluations, both of our personal work and of our overall effectiveness on campus as a team. It has meant a lot of introspection and analysis, and for some reason, this quote by G.K. Chesterton came to mind. I had read it a while ago online somewhere, and it's stuck with me.

It's easy to get caught up in the numbers: 17 women in small groups, over 100 holy hours and Masses, 2 women in one-on-one mentorship. But these numbers don't even begin to tell the story of what this semester as a missionary has taught me. More often than not, these numbers make me feel like a failure. On a campus of 4,000+ students, I only have 17 of them in small group Bible studies.

These words came to mind on a morning when I seemed to get stuck in the "failure" of it all. They gave me such a beautiful reminder of the hope that is inherent in all that we do. If I would have waited until things were "perfect," I would never have made it out here, and 17 women wouldn't have gotten to know Christ in a deeper way through Bible study. 2 women wouldn't have been taught how to share their joy and enthusiasm to help others come to know Christ.

The timing will never be perfect. Perfection is Heaven, and outside of it, things can always be better. The important thing is to not let the circumstances stop you. Just get started, knowing that we will never get things just exactly right. But if the work is worth doing, it's worth doing it poorly.

Some Wisdom from Von Balthasar

"When you say Yes to God unconditionally, you have no idea how far this Yes is going to take you.  Certainly farther than you can guess and calculate beforehand… but just how far and in what form? At the same time, this Yes is the sole, non-negotiable prerequisite of all Christian understanding, of all theology and ecclesial wisdom."   ~ Hans Urs Von Balthasar

Hans Urs von Balthasar
1905-1988

Last year at this time, I was knee deep in dense, heavy theological works by and about Hans Urs von Balthasar. Although I definitely don't miss the long reading schedule, I do sometimes miss von Balthasar. Call me crazy, but spending a year and a half intensively reading the works of one man (and barely making a dent in his over 100 published works) made me a little attached to him. An embarrassing anecdote to illustrate this point: I had finally finished the last formal biography of von Balthasar, which ended on his funeral, and I started crying! In my defense, the author painted a very moving portrait of the event and listed all the ways in which von Balthasar would be missed, but I had gotten a little bit emotionally attached to this little Swiss priest who seemed to embody childlike humility and humor in his writings.

My favorite work to read of his was Unless You Become Like this Child. Written in 1988, it was one of his last published works, meant specifically for John Paul II, who was a close personal friend of von Balthasar's. It was such a beautiful reflection on spiritual childhood, that it almost seemed irreverent to have to breeze through it to maintain my reading schedule. I do hope to read it again in the near future, and take the time to reflect on the words of von Balthasar.

Called to Mission

One of the great twentieth-century Catholic theologians, Hans Urs von Balthasar, described his call from God to the priesthood, saying he felt as if he had been "struck as by lightening...It was simply this: you have nothing to choose, you have been called. You will not serve, you will be taken into service. You have no plans to make, you are just a little stone in a mosaic which has long been ready. All I needed to do was to stand there and wait and see what I would be needed for."*

I absolutely love this quote. In many ways, I feel as though my call to FOCUS was along these same lines. One day I just woke up, and knew I wasn't going to law school in 2012. I was going to apply to FOCUS. I dithered about it a little bit, trying to find another program I could do instead, still looking at LSAT test dates. But I knew, deep down, that God had called me to FOCUS, to serve Him as a missionary.

I think many of my life decisions are made in this way. Most of the big decisions I've made are one's I've just known. I never really seriously considered going anywhere else for college except UW-Madison. When I took my first Religious Studies class, I knew that was what my major would be. Once I heard about spiritual direction, I knew I needed it. Attending the FOCUS National Conference was a decision I seemed to make on the fly, same with the FOCUSequip training last summer. All of these I tried to get out of, tried to un-hear God's call, but like the prophet Jeremiah, I couldn't.

You deceived me, LORD, and I let myself be deceived; you were too strong for me, and you prevailed ... I say I will not mention him, I will no longer speak in his name. But then it is as if fire is burning in my heart, imprisoned in my bones; I grow weary holding back, I cannot! (Jeremiah 20:7, 9)

Or I think of St. Augustine who writes in his Confessions, "my heart is restless until it rests in You." Von Balthasar's works are some of the most beautiful I've ever read, and the idea that I am just "a little stone in a mosaic which has long been ready" is one that really touches my heart. The trust that Von Balthasar had in God, to be able to trust that all his thoughts and actions were aligned with the Divine Will, is encouraging. It takes the pressure off. It reminds me to be humble. In a mosaic, it's not the tiles that stand out, but the image they make. I want my heart to long for Jesus so much that I step outside of myself more and more, to everyday be better able to conform myself to the pattern He has already made; knowing that His pattern is greater and more beautiful than my little tile could ever be.

*English translation by Peter Henrici, SJ, "Hans Urs von Balthasar: A Sketch of His Life," in David L. Schindler's Hans Urs von Balthasar: His Life and Work.