2012 in Review

As the year draws to a close, I thought it might be a good time to take a moment to reflect on the past year. So, here it is: 2012 in review.

January
I began my last semester as an undergraduate at the University of Wisconsin! I also started to feel the pressure of having a thesis due in three short months. It was both a relief and slightly terrifying! Even though I wasn't a full-time student, I knew I had a tough semester ahead of me, with my part-time job, Bible study, discipleships, and finding time to enjoy Madison!

February
Lent began in February, and I decided to go big this year. I gave up meat for the whole forty days! It was a budget-friendly decision - meat, on average, costs much more than rice and beans, but also a spiritual one, as there was nothing that would prevent me from not eating meat. I originally thought it would be a really difficult sacrifice, like the way I would crave a cheeseburger every Friday during Lent in the past, but it ended up being much different than I imagined. I found I really didn't dream about eating meat as much as I expected. In fact, there are so many different non-meat options, that my diet hardly suffered at all.* The hardest part was eating out at restaurants, and not being able to order 90% of what was on the menu.
*Except when I really wanted shepards pie, but couldn't use hamburger. I tried using barley with extra sauce as a substitute, but it really didn't turn out at all. I had rubbery barley and mushy mashed potatoes with a sauce that really suffered from not having the hamburger flavor. I ate the whole thing as a sacrifice, and even tried not to complain!

March
I realized that turning 22 isn't quite as fun as turning 21. I don't even remember whether or not I had a birthday party to be honest! But a good friend, whose birthday is just a few days after mine, turned 21 and had a big celebration. I had so much fun baking a cake for her, and seeing her excitement, that whatever I did has totally slipped my mind! March was also unseasonably warm, and I remember being so happy to ditch the winter boots and bring out the sundresses and sandals!

April
With just over a month left of school, April was crunch-time. I realized that if my thesis was ever going to get written, I needed to start writing, and writing fast! I also saw looming deadlines in my other classes, and smaller deadlines for papers and projects that become more of a nuisance than anything. I also started to realize that I might have bitten off more than I could chew with work and Bible studies! I ended up having to cut back a little to finish my school work, but, in the end it all worked out and my thesis got done.

May
Graduation! After four years of hard work and dedication, I finally graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison with degrees in History and Religious Studies. It was a bittersweet moment. I was incredibly proud to have made it through my time at the UW, but it was harder than I thought it would be to leave behind all my friends that I had grown so close to over four years. Of course, I'm still close to so many of my friends, but it takes a lot more effort now that we don't see each other on a daily or even weekly or monthly basis.

My sisters and I at graduation

June

I was at FOCUS New Staff Training, colloquially known as "Summer Training" or NST, for the whole month of June. It was a really difficult transition for me, to graduate from the UW and one week later be back in classes. I also found it hard to come from UW-Madison, where I encountered a wide variety of people with many different opinions, to NST, where everyone that I saw was a Catholic missionary. It was wonderful in some ways, to know that we were all striving for holiness together, without any of the first years really having a good sense of what we would be encountering in the next few months with fundraising and transitioning to campus, but I really struggled with feeling so homogeneous.

Me (second right) with FOCUS missionaries at NST

July
Fundraising, fundraising, and more fundraising! I spent the whole month meeting with people to tell them more about FOCUS and the mission work I would be doing for the next two years, and inviting them to join me! At times it got really tiring and prayer was the only thing that helped me through it all, but it also was really amazing to reconnect with old friends and meet some new faces! I particularly enjoyed meeting so many parishioners at St. Agnes Parish, where I grew up and have worshiped with for years, but never knew! Now, whenever I go to mass there, I always know at least one other person and often more. I love feeling so connected with a community back home.

August
At the beginning of the month, I packed up almost everything I owned, and traveled across the country to Virginia, my new home! Oh my goodness! I learned to trust God SO MUCH over the summer, with fundraising, and I got to trust Him just a little bit more in moving. It's funny to think that almost everyone that I see on a daily basis I met just a few months ago, and that the place I now call home was totally unknown to me before August 10!

September
It was so hard to transition from student to missionary! I had no clue what I was doing half the time, and I struggled to figure out how to relate to the students as a missionary, and not as a fellow student. While I am still their peer in many ways, I am also a representative of the Church and a living witness to Christ. Talk about pressure! I'll be the first to admit that it wasn't always easy. There were many sleepless nights of wondering whether or not I'd said or done the right thing. At times, I thought for sure all the students hated me and that I was the worst missionary in the history of the world! And then I would realize I was being dramatic, and just kept on working, knowing that "all things work for good for those who love God" (Romans 8:28 - a Bible verse that has gotten me through many rough times this semester).

October
By the end of the month, Halloween, I finally felt like Virginia was home. I knew more of the students on a deeper level, my teammates and I had gotten into a routine, and I more or less knew my way around Fredericksburg. It also helped that I was able to visit Wisconsin for about a week! Although it was nice to be back at the UW and at my parents' house, neither of those places were home. I know more people living in Fredericksburg than I do in Green Bay. St. Paul's, UW's campus Catholic church, held more unfamiliar faces than familiar ones. Returning to campus was difficult, but it was nice to return to my ordinary pattern of living.

Susie and I went as "hawaiian punch" for Halloween

November

I (finally!) visited Washington, DC with Susie and a fellow UW grad who lives in the city. It was so much fun to see our nation's capital. It was a beautiful day, so we walked around to all the monuments, and stopped briefly in the American History Museum to see the original American flag they have there. Stepping outside of campus life for the weekend was a lot of fun. Sometimes I feel like my life is on display, like my actions are always being judged and noticed by teammates and students. And for the most part, it's true. As a missionary, I do have a responsibility to represent myself well because it doesn't go unnoticed. But, at the same time, even if I wasn't a missionary, I would still have the responsibility as a Catholic to represent myself and the Church well.

Susie and I at the Virginia pillar of the World War II memorial in Washington, DC

December

I'm 25% of the way done with my FOCUS mission work! Now that I've started to make the transition from student to missionary, I'm starting to prepare for the next transition: missionary to student. Specifically, studying for the LSAT, the Law School Admission Test. But first, I'll just enjoy spending time with my family, being back in the midwest, and the snow! If I've learned anything from being a missionary, it's that life is best handled one day at a time!

Merry Christmas!

Some Wisdom from G.K. Chesterton

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. - G.K. Chesterton

G.K. Chesterton
1874-1936

With Thanksgiving Break over, the semester is winding down. Our team is preparing for the end-of-semester evaluations, both of our personal work and of our overall effectiveness on campus as a team. It has meant a lot of introspection and analysis, and for some reason, this quote by G.K. Chesterton came to mind. I had read it a while ago online somewhere, and it's stuck with me.

It's easy to get caught up in the numbers: 17 women in small groups, over 100 holy hours and Masses, 2 women in one-on-one mentorship. But these numbers don't even begin to tell the story of what this semester as a missionary has taught me. More often than not, these numbers make me feel like a failure. On a campus of 4,000+ students, I only have 17 of them in small group Bible studies.

These words came to mind on a morning when I seemed to get stuck in the "failure" of it all. They gave me such a beautiful reminder of the hope that is inherent in all that we do. If I would have waited until things were "perfect," I would never have made it out here, and 17 women wouldn't have gotten to know Christ in a deeper way through Bible study. 2 women wouldn't have been taught how to share their joy and enthusiasm to help others come to know Christ.

The timing will never be perfect. Perfection is Heaven, and outside of it, things can always be better. The important thing is to not let the circumstances stop you. Just get started, knowing that we will never get things just exactly right. But if the work is worth doing, it's worth doing it poorly.

The Top Five Things of Being a FOCUS Missionary!

I wrote a guest post for my friend Molly's blog! You can read it here: Tuesday Five: Being a FOCUS Missionary. Enjoy!

Washington, D.C.!

This past Sunday, my roommate Susie and I went to Washington, D.C. to do the "touristy" things! My friend Patrick, who graduated with me from UW-Madison, works for one of the courts in DC. I was happy to see a familiar face, and see DC with people who knew their way around! I visited most of the monuments and the American History Museum. I had so much fun, but there's still so much to see!

Here I am at the Lincoln Memorial!

The Washington Monument. We had a perfect day--sunny  and clear!

Patrick and I at the Wisconsin pillar of the World War II Memorial, commemorating the deaths of soldiers from WI. 

A quote by FDR, from the FDR Memorial, that I really liked!

Year of Faith Companion

Magnificat's "Year of Faith Companion"

The UMW Campus Chaplain, Fr. Edlefsen, ordered The Magnificat "Year of Faith Companion" for all of the FOCUS Missionaries on campus. The booklet contains a short reading for everyday of the Year of faith, usually only a few paragraphs long. The short readings are either a prayer, or a poem, or a meditation, or an explanation of a section of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, or a profile of a Biblical figure.

My favorite readings so far have been the profiles of Biblical women. The Companion started with Adam and Eve and seems to be working its way through the Bible. The profiles are interesting on a number of different levels. I have found I don't actually know much about some of the women profiled, or when I do know who they are, I've never bothered to reflect on them as human beings.

My favorite profile so far has been on Sarah, the wife of Abraham. The author of the passage reflected on Sarah's role in dealing with the aftermath of Abraham's attempted sacrifice of Isaac (Genesis 22). The Bible doesn't mention Sarah in the story, but she was there to care for Isaac after he was almost killed by his father. She was there to comfort Abraham as he struggled to carry out the Lord's commandment.

As I was reflecting on Sarah, I imagined that Abraham probably didn't tell her what he was up to that morning, when he took Isaac up to the mountain on God's orders. And when she found out what happened, I feel like she might not have been particularly pleased with Abraham's actions. After all, Isaac was her son, too. Her only son, in very male-dominated culture.

Flipping through the pages of the booklet, I'm excited to learn more about different Biblical figures, some of whom I have never heard of. And some of the meditations come from Hans Urs von Balthasar, my favorite Catholic theologian!

Some Wisdom from Von Balthasar

"When you say Yes to God unconditionally, you have no idea how far this Yes is going to take you.  Certainly farther than you can guess and calculate beforehand… but just how far and in what form? At the same time, this Yes is the sole, non-negotiable prerequisite of all Christian understanding, of all theology and ecclesial wisdom."   ~ Hans Urs Von Balthasar

Hans Urs von Balthasar
1905-1988

Last year at this time, I was knee deep in dense, heavy theological works by and about Hans Urs von Balthasar. Although I definitely don't miss the long reading schedule, I do sometimes miss von Balthasar. Call me crazy, but spending a year and a half intensively reading the works of one man (and barely making a dent in his over 100 published works) made me a little attached to him. An embarrassing anecdote to illustrate this point: I had finally finished the last formal biography of von Balthasar, which ended on his funeral, and I started crying! In my defense, the author painted a very moving portrait of the event and listed all the ways in which von Balthasar would be missed, but I had gotten a little bit emotionally attached to this little Swiss priest who seemed to embody childlike humility and humor in his writings.

My favorite work to read of his was Unless You Become Like this Child. Written in 1988, it was one of his last published works, meant specifically for John Paul II, who was a close personal friend of von Balthasar's. It was such a beautiful reflection on spiritual childhood, that it almost seemed irreverent to have to breeze through it to maintain my reading schedule. I do hope to read it again in the near future, and take the time to reflect on the words of von Balthasar.